What Hurts the Most
by Chaotic Tai
Summary: Kazuki has time to reflect, and realises what's truly hurting him
1. Chapter 1

Tai: I couldn't help myself, I got bored at work and although I should've found something to do, my mind began to wander and think about dear Kazuki, how he seems to be so alone...so this came into fruition.

Let it be known that there's much, much more to this story. Oh yes, this is merely chapter one.

Disclaimer: Don't own, get over it.

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Letting out a groan of disappointment, a longhaired brunette rolled over and curled into a ball, wrapping two slender arms around a slim waist. 'Why does this hurt so much?' he wondered, clenching his deep amber eyes closed in pain. It wasn't a physical pain, some injury that was yet to heal. It was something no one could see that hurt much more, a pain Kazuki was sure was killing him slowly. Every day he went into the city made it worse, but still he went, it was the only thing he still had.

The pain of it all made him know he was still alive, and allowed him to hold out some hope that one day he'd find someone who cared for him, for a reason deeper than just he looks or talents. He needed someone who would hold him close and run their fingers across his back, through his hair, caress his body lovingly. Someone who cared for no one else in such a way, such a tender way, but he knew he wouldn't find them.

Anyone who cared for him deeply seemed to disappear, in one way or another. His family had disappeared from being physically around him when he was young, taken by the fire. Ginji had left the limitless fortress under his own free will, and it was clear he did not want to be followed by any of the four Kings, a message felt loudly by the Threadmaster.

So there he was, curled into the foetal position on his bed, near the top of the limitless fortress, revelling in the agony of his life. He didn't chose to be alone, he was forced into the state, and now his only friends were his bells, but even their ring seemed to mock him.

'Maybe…maybe that's what other people see me as.' He thought, looking at the brass instrument in his hand. 'Beautiful on the outside, deadly on the inside, and the ringing grows to be an annoyance over time.' He let out a sigh, allowing his hair free from its bindings and fall around him gracefully. He looked gently at the long strands, running his fingers through the silkiness.

His mind began to wander and he moved to stand in front of his mirror, glancing at his reflection. What he saw deepened his already down mood. He looked more feminine than ever; a physical trait his parents believed would disappear with time. It still hadn't, leading to many, many misjudgements of his gender and just as many broken hearts.

He hated his appearance, his slender frame that didn't disappear no matter what he did, his porcelain skin that never blemished or scared even in the roughest battles. Hair that grew faster than he could cut it and it was always silky, almost completely knotless every time. Dirt seemed allergic to him, while comrades would be covered in more filth than the area around them, he would remain spotless.

It drove him insane.

As he scrutinised his appearance, he caught sight of the look on his own face, making hate it more. "What are you staring at?" he snarled at his reflection, his anger rising past any point it had ever reached. Clenching his fists tightly, he slammed one into the reflective surface, sending cracks throughout it. His knuckles bled lightly, but he barely felt the sting as he punched it again, making several pieces shatter to the ground.

He wanted freedom from his pain, but no one would grant him that simple need, no one. And to the Fuuchouin heir, it meant no one cared for him - not as a friend, as a companion, as an acquaintance, no one cared at all. Kneeling to the ground, he picked up one of the bigger pieces of glass, ignoring the edge that dug into his fingers and palm as he raised it to his other wrist with intent, crystalline tears welling up in his eyes.

"Kazuki, everything all right?" a strong voice called from the opposite side of his door, a sound that made the young male freeze. "Shido…" he whispered, not moving from his place on the floor. The Beastmaster heard him however, his voice laced with sadness and disappointment but hiding what he was planning.

The door swung gracefully open and a taller, more muscular male stepped through, his boots crushing some of the pieces of glass on the ground. His gaze shifted from the bed to the floor at the noise, making him gasp slightly. In an instant his larger hands wrapped around the thin wrists, separating them with more force than probably necessary. The piece of glass clattered to the ground and silence ensued, Kazuki's head still focused down on his hands while Shido scrutinised the other.

"Look at me." The Beastmaster commanded, his gaze fixed on the downward turned head before him. "Look at me!" he snarled again, enraged by the fact he was ignored. Still the Stringmaster made no move, and the spiky-haired male let out a growl, capturing both wrists in one hand and forcing the chin of his companion up.

The sparkling tears built up in Kazuki's eyes made Shido's own dark ones widen, the depressed expression almost heartbreaking to see. "Kazuki…"


	2. Chapter 2

Tai: Hehe, quick update! I got an influx of ideas after placing up that tiny first chapter, so here's a really long, long, long second chapter (in comparison anyway). The next chapter will be (hopefully) twice the length of this one, as the story is about Kazuki and not Shido...well really it's about both.

Enough on that though, its time for the next part of this story, onto the chappy!!

Disclaimer: Don't own, duh

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Shido sighed, there was nothing to keep him in the Limitless Fortress any longer. Like a packless wolf he could wander, searching for the male he'd sworn to follow and then continue to do so, whether or not the rest of the pack followed. Of course, he wasn't alone no matter where he chose to go, the animals would follow and commune with him, and though none could truly understand they would try.

Walking through the corridors, he listened deftly for anyone approaching or receding, anyone who might halt his departure from his home. Well, temporary home. The Fuyuki wasn't one to stay anywhere for too long, or call anywhere a true home. Home was a place you went to, where people who cared about you and whom you cared about lived, not just a building you were safe to sleep in.

A sudden crash, a sound he could only liken to the smashing of class, caught his attention. Somewhere just to his left someone had broken something fragile, like a mirror or vase. As one of the kings it was his duty to check on whoever it was, and so his course of travel changed. Soon he was standing outside the door of one of the other kings, waiting for whoever was damaging their possessions to do so again.

He was slightly startled when the second crash came from inside the room of the Stringmaster, the sounds of glass clattering to the floor meeting his ears. He waited several seconds before calling out. "Kazuki, everything all right?"

He waited in silence, keeping his entire body still as he listened for any sounds within the room. Not even the sound of breathing met his ears, sending a shot of panic through his body. He made a grab for the handle when the soft voice of the slender male reached his ears. "Shido…"

The door swung open easily under his touch, barely making a sound as it moved and he gazed immediately at the bed. Every other time he'd entered the room of his fellow king, the Fuuchouin heir would be sitting on his bed, knees brought tight against his chest as he gazed happily out into the darkness. When the moonlight shone in to meet him though, the sight was truly breathtaking.

As he stepped into the dark room, he felt something beneath his heavy boots and heard it crunch easily. 'Glass.' He thought bitterly, looking from the bed down towards the ground. His gaze stopped halfway, where the doll-like Stringmaster sat, kneeling in the shards of glass with a piece gripped tightly, blood running down his hand.

Without a thought he dropped to his own knees, pieces of glass embedding into the thick fabric of his pants as he gripped the wrists of the other, much more tightly than he'd intended to and separated his hands. The shard he held dropped with a clatter, but the Fuuchouin kept his gaze downward, not bothering to look at the other king.

"Look at me." Shido asked, curious as to just what had the Stringmaster so desperate he'd try to take his own life, even within the limitless fortress. As one of the kings he should've had anything he wanted, that was what most humans ever desired, but something still seemed to trouble the other. "Look at me!" he snarled, his rougher, more animalistic side snarled, hating the fact he was being ignored.

Even then he received no response, and he growled, violently grabbing both writs with one hand and using the other to force Kazuki's chin up. Their eyes met and the urge to back away overwhelmed him as he gazed at the other. "Kazuki…"

The look in his eyes…Shido was stunned worse than a deer or possum by headlights. The deep amber eyes were so full of sadness and misery it was heartbreaking. The Beastmaster felt himself falling into a deep pit of despair, unable to turn his gaze away as the crystalline tears formed in the Stringmaster's eyes rolled down his porcelain cheeks.

The animal instinct to pull the smaller male tight against his chest and comfort him to no end was immense; he'd never felt anything like it in his life. The sadness that just seemed to radiate from the other king was near dizzying, and only one question sprouted in Shido's mind.

_Why?_

He didn't understand, he'd never dealt with the raw emotion being shown to him before. It seemed suffocating to be so close, yet he wanted to be closer. He needed to tell the Stringmaster that whatever was bothering him meant nothing, that whoever had hurt him would die shortly by a slow and painful death.

_But why?_

He didn't know why. He didn't know why he wanted so desperately to protect the Fuuchouin, to stop whatever was causing his pain. He didn't understand what he was feeling; he didn't usually care about the other kings, but something about the look in Kazuki's eyes…

What was it that made the feminine male so unusual? Why could he arouse these feelings inside the mind and heart of the Beastmaster, feelings he'd never had before and decided he didn't want. They were driving his mind in circles, his sanity up the wall but overall it was truly exhilarating.

_Why? Why is that look having such an effect on me?_

His body was numb; he couldn't move, not even to release the Stringmaster from his grip, but it seemed that was too late to consider. Said King had moved so his back lay flush against the chest of the other, his more muscular frame holding up the slender one. Gently, he released the two slender wrists and looked at the injured hand, his gaze saddening at the small amounts of glass in the wound.

He easily lifted the other in his arms and out of the room, heading back towards his own. Staying around the broken glass, he reasoned, may tempt the other to try again, especially in the absence of company. In the Beastmaster's room there was nothing that could break into a weapon, so Kazuki would be safe from himself.

Even as he carried the Stringmaster, he felt something stirring inside. The other male was incredibly limp, the life usually sparkling happily in his eyes replaced by nothing now. No sadness, happiness, love, hate, anger, no emotion whatsoever. All that lay in the eyes of the Stringmaster was emptiness, his usually gleaming amber dulled to a lifeless brown, reflecting nothing, absorbing nothing.

Entering into his own room, he gently placed the other male onto his bed, gently covering him in a soft blanket. He turned to leave, his exit halted by a gentle tug on his shirt. He sighed, resting a hand on the smaller shoulder. "I'll be back shortly. Get some rest." A glimpse of fear passed through the Stringmaster's eyes, yet he released Shido's shirt, allowing him to carry out whatever task he intended to do.

He returned moments later with a pair of tweezers and a roll of bandage, settling down onto the floor next to Kazuki, who was asleep on his back. The injured hand was close to him, so pulling out the glass shards was fairly easy…or would've been if said king didn't squirm in his sleep. He relented to holding the slender appendage still while he worked, finding it difficult not to crush the fragile digits in his grip. As excellent a fighter the Fuuchouin was, he needed to gain more mass.

A lot more.

Removing the final piece of material from the other male's hand, he gently wrapped it in the thick white bandage he's dug up, sighing as some crimson fluid began to soak the cloth. He placed more bandage on the nearby table, knowing that if the current lot was too badly saturated with blood he could change it later. He glanced at the sleeping male and made sure the blanket wouldn't suddenly disappearing before he himself left the room. There was a mess to clean up and the Fuuchouin was in no shape to do so himself. He gently ran a hand through the long silky hair before he left, instructing his falcon to keep an eye on the other until he returned.

It was more than likely the Fuuchouin would awaken before he returned, and strangely the Fuyuki felt a duty to the other to keep him safe from everyone, including himself. Whatever was troubling the graceful Threadmaster was definitely not small, considering it seemed like nothing bothered the other male.

Wandering down the hallway, he found a brush and shovel set to deal with the glass and froze slightly as several words repeated in his head. 'Shit, did he have his bells on him or not?' he wondered, his hand hovering above the handle of the other male's room. He was ready to turn around and check when he remembered how he'd run his hands through the hair of the other. It was completely loose, meaning the bells, if he had them, weren't fastened in their usual position.

Shaking the thoughts from his mind, he entered the room and began to sweep up the glass, his uneasiness lifted when he spotted the bells on the table in his fellow king's room. There were several drops of blood on the mirror itself, and a small pool where he'd caught the wrists of the other, allowing Shido to attempt a recreation of events in his mind. The hair bindings seemed to be placed neatly next to the brass bells, two things he'd rarely seen the Stringmaster without.

'What's going on with you, Kazuki?' he wondered, wrapping the bloodstained pieces of glass in paper and wiping up the drops on the ground. No one needed to know what the other king had tried, hell he didn't even need to know, but the Volts were already falling apart. Suicide by one of the kings would only increase the fears the town had, of disorder overrunning everything, and that was something no one wanted to deal with before they had to.

Glancing at the bells and hair bindings again, he decided against grabbing them and taking them to the Stringmaster, he had no idea if said male would try to off himself again or not. It might've been a one-time attempt, but even the Beastmaster wasn't keen to find out. The smell of blood usually excited the hunter within him, but the scent of the Fuuchouin's blood sickened him. It smelled foul, not sweet like the blood of most others, making him want to vomit not hunt down the source and get more of it.

"Kazuki, just how did you get such a hold on me?" he asked aloud, slightly disappointed by the fact he was unlikely to ever get an answer to his question. He really needed an answer, he _needed_ to know just what was so different about the noble that drew the Beastmaster to him, just _what_ it was that seemed to lure him in like a fish on a line.

His scent was intoxicating, his appearance alluring. The scent of his blood was sickening, his beauty almost too much for anyone to be attracted to. His grace was unnatural and his techniques immeasurable by normal standards. He was a complete opposite to the Beastmaster, like a porcelain doll being compared to a heavyweight wrestler; it seemed strange and wasn't a normal comprehensible thing to do.

These simple facts anyone could define about the Stringmaster drew the Beastmaster to him like a hungry spider to a trapped fly. The draw, the force of the attraction was greater than gravity on the earth, and like said force he couldn't deny it. Denying something that powerful seemed like it would be deviant, and as the Beastmaster, going against nature was not, well, in his nature.

With a shake of his head he got rid of the broken glass and now bloodied cloth before heading back to his own room, his mind still focusing on the alluring male.


	3. Chapter 3

Tai: I know this has been a long time coming, but I finally got around to writing up the last chapter to this. A friend helped with several points, and also asked a very valid question - why did Kazuki attempt self-harm when he has Juubei and Toshiki to look after him? Well, thing is, when I started writing this I only saw eps 7-14 (roughly) and Juubei and Toshiki aren't in them. Pretty much I didn't know of their existance, and with them around this so wouldn't have worked. Ah well, its complete, deal with it.

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

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Kazuki awokein an unfamiliar environment, though if the scent that seemed to be suffocating his senses was to be believed, he was in the lair of the Beastmaster. Sitting upright he pushed the soft blanket away and curled his arms around his slender legs, looking curiously around the room. There appeared to be almost nothing in the room, save for a few perches or nest-like dwellings, no doubt for the countless creatures that kept the muscular male company through the nights. The space was however, oddly quiet, and the amber eyed male was saddened to find himself all but alone; a falcon perched on the windowsill his only company.

Burying his head against his knees, the Stringmaster allowed his long hair to cover most of his body and let out a small sigh. "Like I should expect him to be any different; I'll always be alone." He muttered, allowing tears to slowly drip and soak into the cloth of his pants. Gripping the cloth tightly in both hands, he agitated the wrapped wound on one palm and smiled grimly as blood began to soak the bandage.

A piercing cry echoed through the room, though if the Fuuchouin heard it he gave no sign. It seemed the noise wasn't to alert him however, as he soon heard rushed footsteps in the hallway followed by the door connecting roughly with the wall. His slender form remained still, unwilling to move any further despite feeling the deep gaze of the other focused on him.

"Kazuki…" Not even the gruff voice of the Fuyuki seemed to stir the male, causing Shido to let out a sigh. The sickly smell of blood soon reached the Beastmaster's nose, making him gag reflexively. Closing the space between the door and bed in a stride, he grabbed the Fuuchouin's slender arm and unwrapped the wound, looking at it carefully. Deciding it needed to be cleaned before he could bandage it once more; Shido leant down until his head was almost resting against Kazuki's legs, his tongue gently lapping away the excess blood and cleaning the wound.

The Stringmaster jumped at the movement and allowed his head to snap upright; unprepared for such an unusual act. Glancing down at the other male, he tried in vain to yank his arm from the grip of the Beastmaster, who let out a guttural growl, his movements not ceasing. Bewildered, the Fuuchouin heir remained still and compliant, watching the muscular male as he licked the injury clean. After several moments, seemingly satisfied with the job, Shido leant across the slender male, inadvertently pressing him back against the mattress.

"Shido…" Kazuki felt his cheeks redden as the Beastmaster leant across him, unfamiliar with such close contact with the bestial male. He watched deftly as a clawed hand grabbed the bandages from the table, failing to move even as the Fuyuki moved back and checked his hand once more. He felt the cloth wrap around the wound almost gently, his black eyes not once straying from the task.

Approving of the job he'd done securing the pale cloth around the wound, Shido sat back and looked at the Fuuchouin whom had remained still since being pressed back against the bed. He looked more feminine than ever, his long hair splayed out beneath him, his clothes somehow curving in just the right ways, and the blush covering his cheeks looking like part of an outfit. The Beastmaster could barely contain the possessive growl that threatened to rise from his throat as his dark eyes locked onto amber.

Kazuki could feel the scrutinising eyes of the Fuyuki roaming over his lithe form and wanted to squirm, though he feared what such a sudden movement might provoke from the bestial male. Inwardly calming himself, he met the Beastmaster's gaze. "Why are you helping me, Shido?"

Moving to sit at the edge of the bed, the aforementioned male let out a sigh. "Because I need to figure you out. We always work well together yet I know nothing about you." His gaze turned to his own hands, remnants of the Fuuchouin's blood already dried on his hands. "Why would you try to do that?"

Curling back into a ball, Kazuki rested his head on his knees once more. "Because I'm tired of being alone. Everyone always leaves me; my parents, Ginji, even you and the other two kings. Don't lie and tell me you weren't leaving, Shido."

The two kings sat in silence for several minutes unable to meet one anothers gaze. Finally the Beastmaster broke the silence. "I thought you'd already gone." He mumbled, spiked hair covering his eyes. "I believed you'd follow Ginji, even after he left us…"

Finally turning his gaze back to the Fuuchouin heir, Shido found himself unable to do anything but stare at the Stringmaster in all his beauty. Depressed though he seemed, the very things that made him unique were as present as ever, seemingly amplified by the situation. His brilliant amber eyes were swimming with confusion, his long silky hair covering his back like a sleek shell and his slender frame into a tight, protective ball. The Beastmaster wanted nothing more than to pull the Fuuchouin into his arms, settle him into his lap and shield him from the outside world.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Shido caught Kazuki's scent, mixed with his own from sleeping on his bed. It was intoxicating, almost like an airborne drug that the Beastmaster was instantly addicted to, making him crave more already.

Glancing over at the Beastmaster, Kazuki found himself once again fascinated by the muscular male. His masculine physique seemed oddly relaxed yet tense at the same time. His dark eyes were as mysterious as ever, not portraying any of the hidden emotion in their depths.

Without warning the Fuyuki stood, turning to fully face the Fuuchouin. In an instant he settled behind the smaller male and pulled him gently into his lap, nuzzling the pale neck. "Kazuki…I won't let you be alone again, I promise. So long as you promise to be mine." He mumbled into the smaller male's flesh, unable to ignore how easily the Stringmaster had relaxed after the initial movement.

"Shido…" raising his head, he turned to look at the Beastmaster, some of the sparkle returning to his bright amber eyes. Their eyes meeting for a moment, Shido pressed his lips gently against Kazuki's, enjoying the soft feel of the others lips, his hand delving into the silky brown strands of his hair, pulling him closer.

After several moments they parted, Kazuki resting his head against Shido's shoulder, nuzzling his neck gently. "I promise, Shido…"

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Tai: Ta-da! Finished!

Shido: Wait, that's it?

Tai: Well...yes, it is...

Shido: But I didn't even get to take Kazuki's shirt off~ Where's the lemon? I wanted to -

Kazuki: Shido!

Tai: He's got a point, Kazu-chan. I'll have to write another one to let him have his way...


End file.
